CentreWrite

Ohhh How the Mighty Have Fallen

by Justin Boudreau

January 26, 2004

Leave it to a liberal attack dog to gripe about losing rank on a list of the Canadian political worst. This past month’s issue of Frank Magazine, (I still buy it despite the new format) features their annual list of "Wankers to Watch in 2004." This year’s list features a cavalcade of crap that can only be North American pop culture with a steaming side of can-con to pander to snippy nationalist types. This year’s wankers outstrip last’s by leaps and bounds giving hope that the new ownership of Frank may yet succeed where former owner Michael "Master" Bate failed to "ahem" achieve.

Of course, as is the case with any list, there is a crowd of those who just aren’t happy with their position. Enter from stage left: (WAY left) Liberal uberwanker Warren Kinsella. Kinsella has called upon his trademark sarcastic drivel in an attempt to lambaste the editors at Frank in a completely transparent attempt to raise his ranking for the 2005 list. Missing totally, the point that he has fallen for a reason.

Kinsella used to be known up on The Hill as the Liberal "Prince of Darkness," a crown he wore with much pride. However, with his mentor and nose warmer Chretein now gone Kinsella has been left an attack dog without a bone.

Warren spent much of the Toronto municipal election as the "secret weapon" of mayoral candidate John Tory. Making this the ONLY time I have ever agreed with Warren n anything, giving me cause to investigate as to whether or not I should up my medication. However, even during his time as an attack dog for the right of centre Tory, Kinsella seemed to be grasping at straws. His attacks on David Miller for his more socialist policy made Warren’s writing look like a pale amateurish imitation of a good conservative attack piece.

So left with nothing but the occasional defence of Sheila and the polite poking at Prime Minister Paul Martin the former prince of darkness has taken aim at the editors of Frank, specifically Managing editor Steve Collins.

Steve has been a long time friend of mine dating back to a rather fuzzy remembered pub crawl back in my days at Trent U and he has been a journalistic mentor to me for quite some time. With Warren now picking a fight I feel obliged to step in.

It isn’t that Steve can’t defend himself, quite the opposite but given the somewhat topical constraints placed on him from the new ownership of Frank it is hard to Steve to find a good platform from which to lob counter-tomatoes at the fallen prince.

So in the spirit of solidarity often lacking in our profession I am coming to the aid of my mentor.

The Kinsella/Collins feud goes back to days past when Warren was out shamelessly promoting his latest book and the boys at Frank had a little fun at Kinsella's expense regarding tantrum over an somewhat ill worded article in the Globe and Mail. A rather nasty e-mail battle followed which then devolved to the point Kinsella accusing Collins of coming after his children.

Now here is the point: Warren, just because you like children doesn’t mean that people you don’t like are against them. I assure you that Steve Collins is no more up in his Sparks street office grilling children than Dalton McGuinty is up at Queen’s Park roasting kittens on a open fire.

What wine goes with Children anyway?

Honestly, Warren should pick on someone his own size, leave the satirist out of it. Steve Collins isn’t even in his league anymore, Kinsella lost ranking on the Wankers list this year because his anti-leftwing rhetoric is even worse than his anti-rightwing drivel.

It would seem that the Prince of Darkness has been demoted down to the Duke of Drivel. But Kinsella should look on the bright side, he still came out ahead of: Oprah, Scott Brison, Dalton McGunity and even Frodo Baggins-- and it is an honour just to be nominated.