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Guest Column

Damn those Lebanese People!

by J.B. Williams

March 3, 2005

In honor of the clumsy, half-witted spineless mindset of Senators Kerry, Kennedy and Boxer, everyone calm down a dog-gone minute! Let’s not overemphasize what’s happening in Lebanon as we speak!

I can just envision these socialist gutless windbags scrambling for an emergency DNC strategy session as I write.

First the people of afghanistan, then the people of Iraq and now the people of Lebanon, all throwing off the shackles of tyranny and fear as they take to the streets by the thousand, ousting tyrannical regime after tyrannical regime across the Middle East, demanding freedom and liberty..Good Lord, you’d think they were all Republicans!

It won’t be long now. They’re going to want to vote you know, to own their own businesses, school all of their children, make their own life choices, own something, even earn their own living and provide for their families future in a safe secure environment.

Just look what that idiot Bush has done now! He’s turning the whole damn world into one big ownership society. The damn guy is privatizing the globe!

For heavens sake, abbas is reigning in and arresting Palestinian terrorists, Sharon is showing restraint in the face of recent attacks, both seemingly working well together towards a real peace initiative. Hell, even Mubarak is talking democracy in Egypt. I suppose France will be next!

Before you know it, even DNC constituents will begin to get the notion that people can actually govern themselves, and prefer to do just that! and here they sit, saddled with Howard "the screamin’ demon" Dean at the helm. talkin’ about how he "hates Republicans and everything they stand for", as it becomes increasingly more obvious by the hour that Republicans simply stand for real freedom and true personal liberty.

Can it possibly get any worse than this?

Well, to be honest, if you are a Democrat circa 2005, I’m not sure it can. But just in case, you better keep your eye on the sky, because it’s about the only thing that hasn’t come crashing down around you already.

Who would have thought it? That this "Hussein home-wrecker" of a cowboy named Bush, who barley escaped college unscathed, swapped his favorite past-time of partying for a friend named Jesus, could have ever reshaped the future of the war torn Middle East, and the safety of the world in such short order?

It’s all happening so quickly that even I fear the other shoe dropping at any minute.

But this tsunami sized wave of democracy sweeping across a region of the world that has never known anything but war, death, torture and fear, is getting hard to deny--even for democrats.

I’m not suggesting that all is solved by any means, but this movement seems to be very real, coming from the people in these countries themselves. Sparked maybe by what they have seen in afghanistan and Iraq, but now taking matters in their own countries into their own hands. It is truly amazing to watch.

Don’t worry, I won’t waste my time attempting to credit Bush for any of this, it seems he doesn’t care much about getting any credit anyway. and all we know is how his political opponents feel on the matter. anytime the most minute detail goes wrong, it’s evidence of how stupid Bush is in their eyes. But if God forbid something goes right enough that they can no longer ignore it, it’s just a case of Bush luck.

Imagine that, a politician more focused on the task at hand than the credit for his accomplishments. Wasn’t sure that existed in america anymore. Even I thought Bush was biting a fat hog in the rump when he so boldly made world-wide freedom and liberty the centerpiece of his second administration.

No, this just isn’t going to play well over at the DNC at all.

Holy crap, Bush has freedom and liberty running amok all over the dad-gum world. This ain’t going to help the secular socialist agenda over at the DNC a bit. I bet Teddy’s boxers are in a wad, Boxer’s teddy is in a bunch and Kerry is thinking a gig down at the Heinz bottling plant is looking pretty good about now.

Good night, I just thought about the UN.. after years of failed bogus paper-tiger resolutions and half-baked sanctions that only hurt those already starving, this has to be a horrible nightmare.

Now what? The DNC isn’t going to be able to stop the march towards freedom now taking place in the most unlikely places around the globe, or even block the news from reaching their blind congregation.

Lord, I hear Bin Laden is even running want ads now for wannabe jihadists, since he can no longer leave his spider-hole long enough to muster an attack himself.

They’d better round up Dan Rather, Peter Jennings and Tom Brokaw fast and get the spin machine fired up. They’re going to be pulling some all-nighters on this one!