May Day and reverse Polish notation

By John Burtis
Tuesday, april 11, 2006

The numbers of illegal immigrants loose in america are said to be simply staggering and they're growing larger every hour, every minute and every second--at least according to the increasingly limitless numbers being bandied about by those in the know.

With the Congressional membership resting comfortably at home after all the heavy lifting of the past week or so--the careful weighing of the value of every lamister, burglar, felon and lout is said to be completely exhausting-- where they'll be hearing from a few concerned constituents who may not be buying the outrageous calls for limited sainthood, instant citizenship, the waiving of past criminal convictions, the total camouflage of amnesty and the payment of a pittance for a crisp new Senatorial indulgence and all the other "meaningful" elements of the current bills written for the permanent protection of the latest load of criminal aliens.

as the senators and the other members of congress answer the singing phones and gaze at the flood of e-mails from disconcerted constituents, they can watch broods of undocumented workers cavort on television as they march across america, decrying the idea of answering to the laws of the very land whose vast free trough they are so busily, happily and totally immersing themselves.

and while our learned augers gaze at the hundreds of thousands of these placard waiving foreign interlopers demanding big while offering the very small, they can await the great Communist May Day spectacle these gross fugitives promise us, with all the vast roving packs of Mexican flag-waving american flag burning rabble demanding instant everything while merely offering a weak promise to behave in exchange.

Every day--as our cowardly Congress dawdles, as the gangs of deplorable intruders multiply on our streets, as the expenses associated with maintaining the illegal herd go through the roof--the actual numbers of those lost in america swells like the numbers of neutrons associated with unmoderated nuclear fission.

as Enrico Fermi found in his first controlled experiments in the crude atomic pile located beneath the football stands at Stagg Field at the University of Chicago--first one neutron was put in play, then two, then four, then 8, followed by 16, then 32, 64, etc.--they follow a geometric progression.

So, it appears, do the numbers of illegal aliens plaguing us.

My land, or land 'o Goshen as the old folks say, as recently as 2003 there were only supposed to be 7 million or so illegal gardeners, baby sitters, health care workers, dish washers and greensmen adrift in america, coming across at the rate of some 300,000 a year, according to the INS.

When the latest and greatest immigration debate began a scant week or so ago, Standard & Poor offered that 11 million undocumented foreigners were operating as free agents in the United States in their morning report on april 7^th. In a scant three years, upwards of four million tired, sick and poor, all yearning to be free, had slipped unnoticed through the mesh covering the open joke of our southern wastelands.

and then, later on the same day, Friday, the day the Easter vacation began-- the day the Vicodin, Topamax and the other medications will finally assist the Congressional membership in their weighty deliberations about the size and model of the knife to use in their assault on our nether regions, the depth to plunge it, the location to apply it, the strength needed to slip it between our ribs to find the vitals and the other important information needed in today's governance--the Immigration and Customs Enforcement agency suddenly reported that there were now 12 million illegal aliens on the prowl on our side of the border.

Do I hear 13? anybody?

So, in three short years the population of illegals has gone up 70% --from 7 to 12 million.

and all Congress can offer us is a quick roll over, like an IRa--only without the chance for a chat, a chocolate and without the return--and play dead, pray for a compromise, call the bandits the new "backbone" of our society, cover their eyes with both feet and rub their hands together over the numbers.

They've gone from four million in three years to upwards of a million in a single day. These numbers indicate that people aren't coming across the border like herds of gazelles, they're crawling across, over, under, sideways, down and through every natural and man made obstacle like armies of marabunta ants, and we have too few inventive Christopher Leiningens on the border or in our legislatures to turn them away from their determined paths to the great smorgasbord.

Back in business school I had a problem with a new programmable calculator and my simple mind. It had to do with entering the numbers onto the keypad and hitting the function keys afterwards. The instruction book called it reverse Polish notation.

Maybe that's what's going on in the counting of all these people that are bewitching, bothering and bewildering Congress. Perhaps all the geniuses, talking heads, hacks, senators, learned men, fops, CNN reporters, ICE people, arlen Specter's spirit guides, Ted Kennedy's full-time fabricators and the rest are hitting the buttons in the wrong order.

Maybe all the numbers are wrong because they were input incorrectly.

Perhaps there are really 24, 48 or 96 million transitory vagrants fleeing the bill collectors, the Sheriffs and cops while seeking the golden SSI payout, or, in reverse, maybe there's only a paltry six or three million getting our golden lifelong handshake and their brand new hammock in the cool shade under the spreading chestnut tree and their ice cold lemonade--not too tart, plenty of ice, just right, with a bendable straw.

But, in any case, any number, regardless of the mechanics of the input, reverse Polish or whatever, is just too big for our cherished Congress to dare to corral. They won't even begin to roll out the barrel, hire more Patrol or put up the fence.

I can't wait to see what kind of numbers May Day will bring us. Will the entire economy--the backbone--collapse into dust with a nationwide walk out?

I'll have the HP programmable ready to go. If the phone doesn't ring May 1^st, it'll be my Congressman calling with good news.

Canada Free Press, CFP Editor Judi McLeod