It has been a long time since that secret mission up that river of madness, and even now Mr. Kerry admits that he has spent far too little money in defending himself against the charges that it never took place.
However, he keeps the small inconsequential cap in his Luc Beniot alligator briefcase at all times, ready to show it to anyone questioning whether the caper ever took place. In fact, given a bit of encouragement, he will model it for the questioner, proving that it fits, thus ending any confusion in that end of things.
and Mr. Kerry has the map. actually he has three maps with varicolored pencil marks, though they are slowly crumbling, having been unfolded and re-folded many hundreds of times to illustrate his story, which has grown in length, breadth and color in the telling.
Lately, Senator Kerry has been dogged by the main stream press to better explain this mission, his crew's activities and the reasons for his reluctant rise to his own defense in these weighty nautical matters.
So he has taken to carrying the evidence with him wherever he goes, ready, at the drop of a small cap, to begin his lengthy and evidence filled explanation for his voyage into uncharted waters in 1961, in the company of highly trained uniformed cadres possessing unique survival skills and merit awards.
You see, many years ago, Mr. John Kerry was involved in a secret mission on a small fast watercraft northwards on the Connecticut River, which took him and a load of Boy Scouts many miles beyond the Massachusetts border, deep into the muddy mysterious shallows between Vermont and New Hampshire on a hunt for the illusive shad.
To prove his point and to lend further credence to his fabulous tales, he also carries his water stained log book in his brief bag as well, to illustrate his points and to serve as mental reminders to the high points he encountered, such as...
"23 May 61 0403Z Picked up six scouts at Vernon VT landing, running in full dark mode, heading upriver past the So Long Bridge. Gassed up. Cap fits well. Have maps."
"26 May 61 2315Z Lights of Charlestown NH visible to starboard. Lines in water. Scouts advise me to wear my cap continental style. Clear night."
"27 May 61 0215Z E of Hartland VT catch enormous shad. 38 inches, 43 pounds. Film it, though dark. Scouts to swear to it when asked. Throw it back to remain ahead of coming waves of ecological concern."
and that is where Mr. Kerry's trouble began, right there in the river of no return, on a secret nighttime mission, his outboard dragging in the shallows, his captaincy far outside acceptable human behavior, and swearing his crew to secrecy about a fish story.
The Shad Fishermen for the Truth would fight his outlandish claim for years with large sums of money, despite the attestations of his faithful Scouts, his grainy film footage and the entries in his river stained log book, where he also jotted other worldly musings of great political import in rain and water spattered India ink.
Though he would make half hearted attempts to raise some dough himself to fight against the groundswell the Shad Fishermen had started, his plight never struck a chord with the public at large.
The Shad Fishermen controlled the playing field, the shallows and the mouth of the river.
Then the old timers said that the shad had disappeared from the Connecticut long before Mr. Kerry and his crew fought the currents and claimed their colossal catch.
Years passed and Mr. Kerry's river troubles seemed to die down, but not his sense of being robbed by folks who never saw that huge fish.
and on cloudless moonlit nights the old fishermen on the Connecticut tell the younger ones that it's Mr. Kerry's moon, not Charlie's, and to be careful, he may on the river again, looking to recover the lost windfall of his youth.
Folks at the G&H Diner in Orford still marvel at the stories about his conquest of the biggest shad they've ever heard of.
and when new comers sit at the bar, the regulars point to the large fish on the board above the mirror and say that Kerry's shad was bigger.
and Mr. Kerry still carries his maps, his small sad little cap, and his log book for all to see, hoping to overcome the damage wrought by the Shad Fishermen.
ask him, he'll show you.
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