There's an ongoing contest at large to determine who's crazier, Fighting Joe Biden or the dapper khaki-clad Dear Leader, Kim Jong Il.
Kim Jong Il may have missiles, a goose stepping army of preposterous proportions, and universal hunger plaguing everybody except the army and the leadership, where it's said any surviving chicken must be capable of supersonic speeds, but Jumpin' Joe has quite the vocabulary and looks pretty natty, too, in the blazer and tie set, and can jawbone like nobody else.
Sure ‘n begorrah, the Dear Leader got the knickers of the all the leaders of the leading democracies in a twist when he began shooting off his missiles on the Fourth of July over here, but an average day for the cartoon addicted dictator, where he was ensconced, it was said, in his armored train deep in the safety of a mountain tunnel. More missiles, it is reliably reported, are in the barn and ready for immediate launch.
Some worked, some didn't and the show pretty much matched the ones we had in the back yard, where the duds led to yawns from the old folks and the explosions of colors elicited yelps of delight from the kids.
The difference, of course, is that Kim can load up his warheads with things that we don't want on our lawns like poison gas, bacteriological and chemical agents, and, of course that real pickle, nuclear warheads.
But some prescient folks, like Mr. John Bolton and Ms. Condoleezza Rice, and the Japanese who lay down range and harbor clear memories of an earlier and one sided nuclear exchange, maintain that a madman in the possession of ICBMs with the capability of delivering atom bombs from North Korea to California constitutes a real threat to the security of the United States and our neighbors and should be kept in some sort of check.
Of course it's a growing problem, and any idiot knows that a proven nut case, however snappily attired and operating however many souped-up armored trams while throwing a-bombs around like whiffle balls, has to be viewed with some modicum of overt seriousness.
But not Joltin' Joe Biden (D-FIB), a noted US Senator, expert on current trends in the haberdashery, wordsmith, tender of prolonged badinage and occasional buffoon.
No, Senator Biden, the reigning Democratic foreign affairs expert, where he easily eclipses the wide by shallow expertise of Mr. John Kerry in this occult art, put the whole missile thing in proper perspective Wednesday, on CBS's relatively highly acclaimed and pretty widely watched The Early Show.
Joe proffered his take on the unsettling affair by expostulating, "I would rather have seen it do exactly what it did, demonstrate to the whole world that it is in fact a paper tiger."
Drawing on his almost limitless knowledge of atomic weapons, delivery systems, throw weights and effective ranges, Mr. Biden stridently asserted that North Korea, "…does not have the capacity to do any short term damage to the United States of america or Japan."
and, setting the stage for an easing of tensions and opening the way for talks with Kim Jong Il, Mr. Biden described his plans for rapprochement, "I think ultimately (we're) going to have to sit down with these guys, they are so immature, they are so ham handed, it is frighteningly naïve the way they act."
So, throwing the age old concerns about Oriental "face" to the four winds, the future presidential contender, Br'er Biden, party barker, took off his doeskin gloves and called the North Koreans frauds (paper tigers), unable to muss up our coiffure in the near term (unless, of course, they do), calls them a slang term and a diminutive (guys), says they're just a bunch of unruly kids (immature), that they're clumsy as all get out (ham handed), and babes in the woods when it comes to the whole affair (naïve), forgetting who kicked whose nether regions in July of 1950 before who got serious about deciding to fight before we were unceremoniously shoved into the sea.
Oh, Joe, I weep for you.
If you're offering us some sort of secret plan, call the New York Times so it'll appear on the front page for everybody to see.
and Joe, if there's no plan behind all of this claptrap and pure tommyrot, for chrissakes, get hold of yourself. People actually listen to what "guys" like you have to say, and they may not believe that you're just another empty "paper tiger," too, whose time has come and gone, that you're as "immature" as Patches Kennedy, and Joe, that you're just a "ham handed" jaw-flapping empty attic when you carry on like you did Wednesday, depending on the breaks, of course.
Let's see.
Kim Jong Il has ICBMs, a-bombs, and is a real menace to our survival in both the near and long term.
and a sartorially splendid Joe Biden can't contain himself, belittles, humiliates, and causes the Dear Leader to lose face on nationwide television and pretty much calls his nuclear bluff.
So, who's really crazy?
My bet's on Joe.
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