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Global warming prophets of doom: Prince Charles, Al Gore

A lighter look at global warming and other prophecies of doom

By John Clements

Monday, February 19, 2007

This article appeared in www.investigatemagazine.com Investigate in NZ in February this year

'As I was going to the fair,
I saw a man who wasn't there
He wasn't there again today,
Oh! how I wish he'd go away'.

So, approximately, goes the little ditty I learnt long, long ago. It seemed 'right' then. But now one sees the flaw in the logic. It took a while! It's a faulty premise leading to an illogical conclusion. Yet perhaps one can, in one's imagination, 'see things that aren't there'. If you really, really, want to believe someone or something you can. Just as some people believe in those that profess to talk to the dead, some folk hypnotize more easily than others, and some reckon there are UFOs. But why do they have to 'fly' and be 'objects'? It sells better - that's why.

That's how it is for global warming prophets of doom (for profits of doom?) like Al Gore, Greens, Prince Charles, the IPCC and sundry others. There is nothing to see, nothing tangible - but they reckon it's there. They can 'see' it. I can't. Their main prop, the 'hockey stick', indicating an upturn in 'global' temperature in the 20th century has, it seems, been proved wrong. But to hell with that, forget it. Mercilessly press on with the doom and gloom message. We're gonna die or at least drown. Mr Gore tells us we must get on bikes. Tried - fell off. Too old for that. Change light bulbs. Done that. Plant a tree. I've planted dozens of 'em as have millions of other global citizens - yet we're told we're still spinning crazily towards 'over temp'. Clearly bikes, bulbs and trees aren't working.

But of course it suits well intentioned 'green' people and those aspiring to political office, to push the barrow for other reasons - sensible ones. We do need to reduce pollution because it's bad for the lungs. And we should reduce the number of smoking cars on the road. They're most 'inconvenient'- when I go shopping. And not so sensible ones - like dubious taxes.

Tree 'sinks', it seems, are the answer. Well they were when NZ Labour tried to figure out how many we need to soak up our carbon emissions. That the government missed the arithmetic by tens of millions of dollars and trees and - wow - discovered that far from being in 'credit', we were in deep excrement, is not surprising since they couldn't even figure out how much they'd spent on their election campaign. But I agree - photosynthesis happens!

It sounds awful when genuine conservationists say warming is caused because Asians and South Americans are 'decimating rain forests'. That is bad. But has anyone bothered to count the brazillions of trees being planted on a daily basis 'planet-wide' by people like, er............, me? No. So the maths is utterly flawed and may be even impossible to do. In passing, one has to wonder where all the smoke from those 'decimated' rain forests goes. And at the same time wonder where all the CO2 goes.

'We Must Save The Planet'. How? By getting on bikes, changing light bulbs and planting things? What bunkum! And what profound arrogance to think that mankind is so omnipotent that we might be able to change - even slightly influence - God's grand plan for the planet. A plan frequently modified and adjusted through natural cycles and occasional 'catastrophes' - like Al Gore.

Now, after The Book: 'Earth in Balance' Al gives us The Film: 'An Inconvenient Truth'. The 'inconvenience' of truth works both ways. But Al steers well clear of any possibility other than that we are warming up. It woud be hellishly 'inconvenient' to find that we may not be. The truth is probably somewhere in the middle. Some places (on the planet) are in fact cooler and some warmer. Eg, my back yard is cooler than it used to be but no one has even asked me why. It's because I planted a bunch of trees that cause shadow that reduces the heat. It's a highly complex phenomenon.

Ice in the Antarctic and other places is accreting. Elsewhere it is not. We only get pictures and reports (strangely in some reputable magazines) of places where ice has 'disappeared'. The odd glacier in Switzerland has 'disappeared'. No half measures. Gone. Surely all glaciers would 'disappear', or at least reduce in size, if affected by these alleged ravages of global warming?

Sea levels are predicted to rise by 23 feet or a few inches - depending on how alarmed you want to be. A 23 foot rise would wipe out vast tracts of India, Vietnam, China and Bangladesh - to say nothing of my back yard. But it had better get a move on because in the past 50 years the tidal range where I live has changed not one millimetre. Since most oceans are 'connected' surely the rise would affect all coasts? Not just a few places under the 'ideal fluids property' where tides (and gasses) can gather in huge quantities if enough scientists, environmentalists and politicians say they can. To hell with physics.

And all of a sudden we are believing politicians. Holy mackerel! 74% of Americans, we are told, are 'more convinced now about global warming than a couple of years ago'. They would be. Many have now seen The Film. Yanks tend to be 'moved' by movies. Folk are brainwashed by movies and TV. But hang on a minute. 95% of US residents believed Mr Bush's take on Iraqi WMDs. Now many folk don't. There's an odd mix here of faith, fashion, fear, ignorance and gullibility. Mostly the last one.

And with slight over generalization, the problem is: 'Worse than anyone thought'. Well, that's not right because I don't think it's worse. And I doubt that everyone has been asked. What about the Masai for example? Or the Taliban? Have they made a comment? A mate of mine doesn't think it's 'worse' either and he's a PhD with an awesome knowledge of science - and a lot of common sense. So not everyone does think 'it's worse'.

An earnest young lady, looking distinctly in need of a job, asked me on the street: 'Are you concerned about saving the planet?' That's a loaded question and she knew it. If I say 'No' I'm labelled an inconsiderate twit (and there is some truth in that so my wife tells me) but if I say 'Yes' I am trapped into planting more trees, changing yet more light bulbs - or recycling my excrement. So I said: 'No, I think God, through nature, is coping very well thank you'. She said: 'Well piss off then!'. I did.

But being in a contemplative mood I thought about the young lady's question again as I sauntered away, her strikingly green eyes boring a hole in my fifth vertebra. I really do believe that the planet (well the fair amount of it that I've seen) has proved itself very capable of 'saving' itself. God moves in a mysterious way....etc. Of course it hasn't had to try that hard given man's feeble attempts to, er.................'destroy' it.

On the contrary, I reckon mankind has done quite a bit to assist Mother Nature. For example, our 'planetary' drainage (except for some rural places in the UK) is way ahead of what it was in the 19th century. Many countries re-cycle quite well (which should impress Al Gore given his predilection with bikes). And I see there is a move to get ladies to use re-usable tampons. That, it seems, will reduce global warming. I can't see it catching on! Oh, and car emission technology is now brilliant.

Hot and cold flushes

Not bicycles, in this case, but cyclical forecasts by 'world scientists' over the last 100 years or so. They go like this:

'The world may freeze up again'

'Encroaching ice age'

'Ice age coming'. 'Canada and Switzerland will be wiped out' (are you still there Canuks?)

Then, a mere 10 years on...

'Longest warm spell since 1776'

'Near certain crop failures (due cold) in a decade'

'Mass starvation, anarchy and violence due to cold... blah , blah, blah'

Nothing much happened 'temperature-wise', either up or down for 30 years, then ...

2005 'Greenland gaining ice and mass and warmer than it was in the 1930s'

'North polar ice cap melting at an alarming rate'

Worse than anyone thought'. 'The climate is crashing'. Duck! 'The worst problem facing mankind'

Of course, no 'global warmers' mention that NZ has just suffered one of its coolest winters on record. Is it not just possible that some places are a bit warmer and some cooler? Instead we get: 'Kiribati, 6ft above sea level, is vanishing (sic) and we need to prepare for a mass exodus'. Welcome to Godzone chaps! In July Tuvalu was supposed to have been swamped. It wasn't. Ask the odd Tuvaluan about it and they say: 'Rubbish, we've had these tidal surges for years'.

...And on and on it goes it goes. Selective reporting. Nothing to counter it. A sham.

The Labour Government thought 'fart tax' a good idea for NZ farmers but as soon as the Poms found an economist with a knighthood (and blinkers?) to say there should be a Kiwifruit transport tax, it's a bad idea. Where's the consistency? Both ideas are crap (to stick with the vernacular). Just unsubtle methods of screwing producers with more tax.

But what about the great seer Nostradamus? You'd think he'd have foreseen earth's 'meltdown'. Not so. For 2007 his major forecast is: 'Death of France beginning'. Yeah right. And for the next 50 years, during which time, according to Al Gore, Greens, Prince Charles, the IPCC, etc, much of the planet will be 'swamped' or 'vanish' dear old Nostra's best guesses are that a few 'Popes and Asiatic Leaders' will get the chop.

He could attend to a few punters closer to home I reckon!

John Clements

Aged Pilot

Flight Examiner

and Serious Sceptic


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