It Was A Rockin Big Weekend

By Jim Whelan, The Joan Randall Agency

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

I decided to just take a weekend and do nothing, oras close to doing nothing as I can get. I rode my bicyclefor good long time, and did some time at the beach, andwatched some television.

There wasn't much on television, and I I have over 300options, but I did watch a couple of gossip shows thatwere pretty funny.

First there was this Nick Lachey/Vanessa Minillo nudiefilm, and that was a real crock...I mean them acting likethey didn't want it out there. I'm betting they're in on thiswhole deal. What does Nick do for a living? I know he wasmarried to Homer Simpson's daughter or something, JuggsSimpson, whose Dad won't release the movie she didbecause of her fine acting ability.

Then came the whole Posh and Becks thing, which shouldbe over soon. Let's hope.

The piece de resistance came with pictures of JanetJackson doing her Star Jones imitation. The old fatStar Jones. Wasn't it just months ago that we sawpictures of the slim Janet Jackson on every magazinein America? Good Lord, what happened girlfriend?

She's gained 40 pounds of blubber in a couple of months.

Whatever Star Jones and Oprah lost...Janet found.

She had better start dancing again quick, or she'sgonna be big as Aretha Franklin. And honey, that isBee Eye Gee Big.

Well at least Aretha can sing. She ain't much of adancer, but she has pipes. Janet was a helluva dancer,but not much of a singer, and believe me, it's hard todance when you carry all that booty.

It's more like rollin than dancin, and if I was her partnerI'd give her a wide berth. Shakin a booty that big couldget somebody hurt.

Janet, honey, get some help. Hire somebody to put alock on your frig, and keep you out of the all you can eatbuffets.

If Star Jones can stay slim, so can you.

From the big saddle,
Jim Whelan