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Joan Randall Agency, Advertising
Monkey On Dee Plane! Monkey On Dee Plane!
By Jim Whelan, The Joan Randall Agency
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Billions!
And More Bilions!
Thatz how much dough we have spent on airlinesecurity. You know, thatz where they force Grandmaout of her wheeelchair, because she fitz the profileof a bomber or highjacker.
Itz where we endure long lines and the TSA screenerswho take our cold medicine, toothpaste, and shampoo.Itz where you are asked to remove flip flops and opentoed sandals because they may have a bomb in them.
(Call The Joan Randall Agency NOW for all your advertisingneeds, 206 407 3124)
Yessirree Bob, we are doling out billions to TSA,the Transportation Safety Administration, and theseclowns couldn't find a LIVE MONKEY under a guyshat.There has to be raucous laughter in all theterrorist cells this week.
A few weeks back TSA confiscated my cold medicine.The liquid limit is 3.5 ounces. The smallest size youcan buy in the airport is 4 ounces. Didn't anybody checkwith the manufacturers about this?
I can bet some manufacturers are sitting in their chairsrubbing their hands together saying, "Isn't this great?TSA confiscates what you bought on one side of thecheckpoint so you are forced to buy the same thingagain on the other. This is our lucky day."
What they ought to call TSA is Team Stupid Ass.Thatz a good fit, don't you think? I'll direct the marketingon this campaign.
Letz see...it should go something like this...
Atenshun! Atenshun!
If yure a dumb ass, and need a Jae oh bee, call TSA at1-800-DUMB ASS today. Itz a free call. To qualify, allyou need to do is prove you really are a dumbass to ourpanel of experts, who used to be just like you.
No tuff questions! Any ansur will be accepted.(Evengrunting)
Oh, and if you happen to be fat and a dumbass, you'll behired immediately! (Thatz right away!) On the spot!
Just think, you can stand in place and repeat the samephrases over and over again for years on end. Yule neverhave to lurn anything new!
In addition, yule have free toothpaste, mouthwash, deoderant,cold medicine, baby formula, bottled water, fruit drinks, handlotion, and many other liquids free for life.
We are TSA, we don't monkey around.
(The Joan Randall Agency will create your best selling bannerads for you, just call 206 407 3124)
Billions!
Here's an idea. Letz subcontract airport security to El Al, theairline of Israel. Those people know what they are doing, and thatmonkey would not have made it past one of their checkpoints. Inaddition, I'm sure they would have had a way to deal with thechimp who brought the monkey with him. I'm bettin here that thespecial exam room is soundproof, and after a little re-education,the incident would never be repeated.
Which is what was needed here.
(Need copywriting, or help with web design? We can do it all hereat The Joan Randall Agency. Call 206 407 3124)
I'll tell you what, if I was running the show at TSA, somebody wouldbe in surgery today. They would be doing a Lucchese boot extraction,because somebody there would have one of my boots buried in theirfat ass.
From the big saddle,Jim Whelan
P.S. If you want to double the effectiveness of your advertising dollar,you need to pick up the phone and call me, Cowboy Jim Whelan, assoon as possible. 206 407 3124.
