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Britney Spears/Kevin Federline custody battle
A Moment Yall Been Waiting For
By Jim Whelan, The Joan Randall Agency
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Okay, I'm back from Sveedon, having toucheddown on American soil late last night, but I'mnot the story today.
Today I am issuing my ruling in the Britney Spears/Kevin Federline custody battle. Judge Jim is aboutto make his ruling, having been appointed after I sentin boxtops from Honey Nut Cheerios. If I send in afew more Capn Crunch, or is it Fruit Loops, I cansit on the Court of Apeelz.
(Have you called the Joan Randall Agency? If youhaven't, TODAY is the day to get it done. There hasnever been a better time than right now to call theCowboys, 206 407 3124)
Here's my ruling.
Give the kids to Kevin.
Sooner, rather than later.
Their Mom is a couple of biscuits short of goodredneck breakfast. She obviously has a drug problem,and we already know growing up in a hotel doesn't payany dividends. (Think Al Gore)
That's right, Britney is living in a hotel now, a la Elvis,in between playing peek a boo with the paparazzi. Ifshe isn't stopped now, in a year or two she'll be wearinghis fat suits, and throwing her skivvies into the audience,instead of the other way around.
Kevin may be a gold digging creep, but at least he knowsenough to be alarmed by her behavior, which in this casegives him a heads up. There haven't been any reportsabout him going topless in a drug store either, or lettinghis dog leave a diamond on a borrowed designer dress.
After Kevin picks up the kids, it's time for an intervention.Then involuntary lock up in a mountain cave for about sixmonths with no potato chips or diet soda, which shouldclear her brain cells enough for supervised visitation.
Thatz my ruling. Give Kevin the kids now, and let Britneyearn visitation rights. I'm sending my depiteeze out rightnow begin enforcement.
(The Joan Randall Agency has has talented copywritersand web designers on its team. If you don't have that kindof talent on your team, you can use ours, and get your adcreated quickly. Call 206 407 3124 and ask for me, JudgeJim Whelan)
Ruling in a custody battle is hard work, but somebody hasto step up and get things accomplished. Judge Ito wassupposed to handle this, but he's in Vegas dancing for thewhole month of August. We'll just see if I let him have hisseat back.
From the big saddle,Jim Whelan
P.S. There's still one phone line open, what are youwaiting for? Call me now, Judge Jim, and not only willyou get the best advertising deal going, I'll issue a rulingguaranteed to make your life better. 206 407 3124...somebody is calling in right now...is it YOU?
