The Pope Is On Vacation

By Jim Whelan

Monday, September 3, 2007

I traveled 6,000 miles to see if I could catch the Pope, and have a little chat. I got here to Vatican City, and one of the monks told me he was on vacation.

I guess I shouldn't have sent those emails telling him when I was going to arrive. I guess he heard about my new tuxedo too, which is making me a celebrity all over Italy.

Now the Pope is the one dude who can outdress the Whelanator. My wardrobe, though extensive, is not nearly as deep as his, and he has capes and hats that make my new Stetson look like a tired old Red Sox cap.

Then he has the Popemobile, which is a one of, and who knows how much that thing cost? His plane is much cooler than mine too, and he has several pilots at his disposal, and I'll bet there is some good German beer in the frig of that baby.

Now I tried to find out where the Pope goes on vacation, but nobody was coughing any of that information up. The Germans like to go anywhere the sun is shining, so France, Italy, Spain, Portugal, and Greece are high on their list. The Germans like to strip down to Speedos and lay around till they have the perfect lobster tan, even making sure that the bottom of the beer gut gets a little sun.

Later I found out the Pope has a place up in the mountains, and he gets there by chopper. So he has a chopper too, and a mountain retreat. I'm starting to feel like he must have a really big gig compared to mine.

I was hoping to land him as a client.

Then Vatican City.

Maybe I'll just have to settle for some of these designers. I'm sure they know the Pope, and maybe they can get me a meeting.

That's it! I gotta catch a cab.

"Gucci, and make it snappy!"

From the big saddle,
Jim Whelan