... from climate change that is.
According to the David Suzuki Foundation [1], “Climate Change is melting the North Pole and it’s no longer safe for Santa.” But don’t despair, dear children, just buy some virtual gifts from the Suzuki club, and they will help Santa to find a new place to live. See for yourselves:
As Johann Tetzel (1465-1519), appointed as Commissioner of Indulgences by Pope Leo X, proclaimed “Sobald das Geld im Kasten klingt, die Seele in den Himmel springt.” Translation: “When the coin in the coffer rings / the soul to heaven springs.”
Of course, your gifts to the Suzukians are claimed to protect nature and the environment. At the very least, they ought to enable Tetzel’s reincarnation to continue his jet-setting across the globe.