President Obama’s poll numbers have declined in the face of a moribund economy, calculated pandering to college students and matrimonial-minded gays, stubbornly high unemployment, and $40,000-per-plate fund raisers. The standard Democrat response to such well-deserved disaffection for the president is to release some character-assassinating fable about Mitt Romney through the mainstream media. If the trend continues, I calculate the liberal press will run out of such stories in mid-June, so I’ve prepared a few Romney whoppers that should get wide coverage in the weeks ahead.
Romney Business Failure: a second-grade classmate of Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney today revealed that the former governor’s reputation as a turn-around artist is undeserved. Mr. Mendex Flagrandi revealed to MSNBC host Chris Mathews, in an unrecorded and secret interview, that 7 year-old Mitt Romney’s Bloomfield Hills lemonade stand operated at a deficit and never turned a profit during its entire Memorial Day weekend life span. Additionally damning was the revelation that Romney never repaid his mother for the business loan that made the lemonade stand possible, nor offered health care to his employees.
Mitt’s Meter Matters: CNN’s Rachel Maddow is producing a six-part documentary based on Salt Lake City police records which show that Mitt Romney, while an undergraduate student at BYU, repeatedly parked his car at metered spaces that still had time left over from the previous occupants’ coins. This, Maddow will show, demonstrates a pattern of opportunism and exploitation of other drivers. Interviewees include a parking enforcement officer who was laid off due to reduced budgets in the Salt Lake City parking enforcement branch, who might still be working if Romney had paid his fair share of parking fees.
Tarnished Gold: The New York Times will reveal that Romney’s rescue and revitalization of the 2002 Winter Olympics failed to address the unequal distribution of gold medals to Third World athletes who failed to prevail in any event. In fact, the Times story will show, the top one percent of the world’s athletes earned the vast majority of medals, while the other 99% received relatively few. Despite this obvious inequality, Romney did nothing to redistribute Olympic medals among the less fortunate, less coordinated, and less competitive athletes. Boris Gretslava, a currently female weight lifter from the Ukraine, is quoted in the article through a translator as saying, “I went to the 2002 Winter Olympics and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.”
Ann’s Secret Life: The Washington Post, in an exhaustive investigation, has unearthed in a Massachusetts landfill several empty containers of microwave mac and cheese. This is the same landfill that was used by trash collection trucks that serviced the Romney home during his term as governor. While Ann Romney claims to have raised her five sons in a healthy, wholesome home environment, the inference that she may have served non-nutritious, chemically-laced and radiation enhanced instant food products cannot be ruled out. Microwave mac and cheese has been nominated by first lady Michelle Obama as one of the most dangerous of the FDA’s new list of Top Ten Gooiest Foods.
These four stories should help the MSM maintain their smoke screen of gossip and innuendo for a few extra weeks, and keep America’s attention off of Obama’s many and continuing failures. Of course, the same polls that show Obama slipping also show Americans placing less and less trust in the dinosaur media. They prefer information that hasn’t been filtered, spun and biased by the liberal press. So maybe no one will pay any attention to so-called journalists who run with stories like these. Just don’t expect that to stop them.
