The evening news comes on at 11 pm and lasts for half an hour. Out here in the boonies, it is a major part of the daily entertainment.
The Reportage
The reportage repeats itself, day-in and day-out. Some of the minutiae vary, different persons, different locations, but the plots never change. From the latest body part(s) discovered by someone walking his/her poodle, to shootings at one of the city’s finer establishments, the first five minutes or so are covered by gore of one sort or another.
Then the current affairs part starts. Perhaps a senior politician had a photo-op at a remote location and needs to show off the party’s concern for the wellbeing of some local schmuck. Or some other political news, usually slanted in favour of the station’s overarching political view, perhaps with a bit of sports trivia thrown in.
More hardship stories follow; miscellaneous shootings, robberies, thefts, etc. If at all possible, a natural disaster event from somewhere, anywhere, if necessary on the back side of the moon is de rigueur. As long as it can be combined with a plea for more government resources.
The sports fans are eagerly awaiting the next segment. The average number of home runs is about five. Holes-in-one and the occasional master putt also make for good TV.
The last part of the news is normally reserved for a feel-good story. Such as “stray dog rescued from roof top” or “pet chicken foiled cougar attack.” The video coming with the report shows the happy dog/chicken playing with its biped companion.
Finally, if you are not asleep yet, there will be a bit of celebrity news, like starlet X has been seen with star Y, or some other celebrity twosome having been hitched or filed for divorce, whichever comes first.
My View
I have no problem with happy chickens at all. They probably don’t taste much different than their less happy kin. As to dogs, I have never eaten any and have no intention otherwise.
The environment here is already putting stress on my love for it. From the carpenter ants insisting that my home is their one and only rightful place to live, to the deer finding our flowers and shrubs plants to be the only nutritious browse on earth, to the local bear staring me down at the barbeque, to the mosquitoes wishing to suck my blood. Sorry buddies, I gave already at the blood donor clinic. Even the burlap I use to cover some of the shrubs gets demolished. The red squirrels just can’t get enough of it. Really, nature can be a bit much; whatever happened to living in harmony with it?
Harmony with Nature
Harmony with nature was the great shtick of the environmental movement of the 1970’s and onward. The Sierra Club and countless similar minded organizations still keep drumming that theme. If you just were to pet some cuddly polar bear cubs (even if only on your computer screen) they will be forever thankful and reward you with nice poses. The not so cuddly details of an adult bear devouring a hapless seal for survival are not part of such scenes.
As to the seals themselves, they have no qualms “re-possessing” your property either. With about five million seals on this continent and with their very rapid reproduction cycle (female seals have two uteri) there really is no shortage of seals, not now nor in the foreseeable future. But the anti-seal-hunt league is only showing cute-looking pups. Who could possibly want to harm such innocent-looking creatures?
That’s where the evening news fails to stimulate one of the other senses. I mean SMELL. If you can’t experience yourself the stench emanating from even a small group of seals, the pictures alone cannot give you a true feel for the situation. Hollywood needs to wake up and get going on that smell part.
We Need Smell-TV
We absolutely need Smell-TV. After all, we have 3D-TV, colour reportages from under the sea and from outer space, not to mention the Moon and planet Mars. So, what is holding up Smell-TV?
If we had Smell-TV, perhaps my wife and I would last a bit longer through the evening news before falling asleep. Now that would be a newsworthy event, I think.
