Biden did a doobie before the debate

- Satire He grinned like the Cheshire Cat, laughed uncontrollably, giggled like a fifth grade girl, and stared at the ceiling aimlessly. He looked around the room dreamily casting his eyes this way and that. Now and then he would yell something incoherent—stepping on his opponent and sometimes the moderator, to make an occasional point that was largely lost on the audience. His voice went from the bombastic, to a low growl, to a soft whisper.

He smirked the smirk of a man who thought everything was funny—from the War in Afghanistan to the highest unemployment rate in decades, to a record national debt that his administration had no idea how to reduce. And millions across the country who watched the Vice Presidential debate and knew not what he said, but recalled only how he said it, wondered…..What explains the bizarre behavior of the Vice President that night in Kentucky? But Hugh Betcha, Ace Reporter, and Head of the National News Bureau for the Stoos Views Media Conglomerate knew. It was his job to know. Recipient of the Nobel Prize for Political Reportage 2012, and MSNBC’s Most Trusted Name in News, 2012 award, Hugh was there to watch his friend, the Vice President, debate the upstart Paul Ryan. Hugh, a man who walks with kings and princes and enjoys unlimited access to the White House; a man who has the respect of both sides of the aisle in Foggy Bottom, knew. After all, he had partied with Obama and “Smokin ‘ Joe” (as he is called in the White House) until the wee hours of many a morning.

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While weed made the President morose, sullen, incoherent, and caused him to stare at the ground—much like his performance during the first Presidential debate--it had just the opposite effect on the Vice President. In fact when the Vice President did a doobie it made him giddy, skittish, and caused him to laugh like a hyena and yell loudly at times. Sometimes it just made him downright mean. Hugh was all too familiar with the signs. “Wassup Bro?” Biden said to his buddy as he walked unsteadily backstage after the debate, his glazed eyes wandering about the room. “Kicked his a**, man, didn’t I, dude? “Well Joe, that was some performance all right.” “Yeah we did one at the hotel before we came over—just to mellow out you know….been holed up at the mansion. They don’t let me out much you know. Hey got any pizza on you?” asked Joe, in the throes of the munchies. “No, Joe, no pizza. Oh yeah,” Hugh replied, “you looked like you were pretty mellow.” “Feeling groovy as we used to say back on the block,” Joe replied, giggling. “He cracked me up—that kid, you know. Talking about the economy and sh**t --you know—funny stuff. And the War, wow when he talked about the timetable stuff, it was freaking funny….geeze, you got a pizza on you? The ambassador thing in—where was it? Lydia? Zambia? Funny—that just cracked me up.” “Uh, Libya, Joe, you know. Benghazi.” “Oh yeah Ben Whoever…where they shot that film that caused the riots in Zambia… yeah no one told us about that deal did they—some film about making a profit and someone made some guys mad and someone got hurt and stuff…” the Vice President responded softly as he fought off sleep. “We weren’t told about that till yesterday.” “Well, not exactly, Joe” “Who was that Radish Lady—you know the Beee-ach who was talking to us about stuff, yellin’ at me…you know?” Joe giggled again uncontrollably. “Uh, Raddatz, Joe, the moderator and she was not yelling at y---“ “--yeah she was funny. Marty Radish-- what a far out name for a lady huh? What was she doing there—I forgot.” “Well, supposedly asking you two questions” “Two? Who?” Joe inquired as he stared at the ceiling. “Geeze you are deep. Are you a Gemini?” “Joe, remember that you and Ryan were debating.” “Yeah , I don’t remember, but it was all way too funny—that’s all. Hey got any Twinkies on you?” “No.” “Hey can you order me a large mushroom pizza and some Mad Dog 20-20?” “Joe, you need to get some sleep and get ready for your security briefing in the morning.” “No way, man too tired,” the Vice President waved limply a dismissive wave as he sat down on the couch and started to doze off. “But your security briefing in the morning—you need to get straight for that.” Hugh replied. “Aw, we never go man—who cares?” The Vice President replied indifferently as he drifted off. “Tell me how it turns out. Clinton can go.” “Clinton is not the President anymore, Joe.” “Whatever….” With that, Hugh exited quietly, leaving Biden to sleep it off and dream of the day in 2017 when he too would be President, have his finger on the nuclear trigger and get to decide important stuff….. © Copyright 2012 William Kevin Stoos