– [Satire]
Bloomberg News reports that bed bugs succumbed on exposure to human blood when the victims ingested blood containing a certain drug. How cruel to submit bed bugs to such torture and fate! Please convene urgent blood-sucking strategy meetings on all mattresses to discuss possible counter actions! We must stop this menace! Bed Bugs Unite!
Background
We have been quite successful in recent years in overcoming the traditional (oppressive) regime of bed bug control by application of effective insecticides. I am quite proud to have had a leading role in that. However, we could not have succeeded without the current EPA administration and their generous help by banning the really nasty substances. On your behalf, my heartfelt thanks to Ms. Jackson and her colleagues in the government!
The war continues though. While we may have won one battle, the fight is far from over. In fact, the current assault on our livelihood must be stopped in its tracks! A concerted response is urgently needed!
Humans cannot be allowed to willy-nilly take anti-bed-bug (ABB) medicines to prevent us from prospering! There must be an UN “Sustainable Development” action item which we can rely on for our future. At the very least, we demand that there must be triple-blind, multi-generational studies of these drugs’ safety to the human test population. Such studies must also take into consideration the potentially adverse implications of climate change on our well-being. I think such a strategy ought to give us a few years of blood-sucking peace.
Action Needed
Still, the current situation should not be under-estimated. ABB medicines are readily available over the counter and could effectively impede our advance around the world. They may be harmful to the humans too but we cannot rely on that as an effective strategy. Therefore, we must continue to be extremely vigilant.
Heed the advice, Bed Bugs Unite!
Yours Suckingly,
The Scourge
Grand-Vizier,
Bed Bugs UniteD
