Many years ago when the Philadelphia Eagles were enjoying a particularly listless football season a canny sportswriter likened their performance to that of bears on roller skates.
Sadly, as we lurch from one Democrat contrived scandal to another (after all, isn't everything that George Bush does or has ever done a scandal of one stripe or another, from getting elected to protecting the american people from attack, from flying fighter planes to graduating from Yale) the Democrats appear more and more like bears on roller skates.
Hardly has the alito, or is it the alioto, affray settled down into one final delay, than it's time to pitch headlong into the next chapter of another ongoing scandal — the hearings on the great NSa leak investigation.
Here, the liberal bright lights and the Democratic leadership know, or at least are really pretty doggone sure they apperceive, that this is finally the proper fodder to both energize the base and to finally excite the middle, which they failed to ignite with their fraud of a sham of a medicine show of hearings on alito.
Soon subpoenas will fill the air like snow and copy machines will groan under their weight. US Marshals will rent U-Haul trucks to deliver them. Witnesses will occupy entire floors in local hotels. Staff members will work long into the night prepping the aging Senators, who will forego strong drink in an effort to appear bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Extra Klieg lights and microphones will be rented at great expense for added effect. attractive men and women will be hired to sit in rows behind the Senators to lend an air of Hollywood to the proceedings. Hirelings will line up early to lend gravitas.
Finally, the Democrats will finally be able to trot out not only the aggrieved, like those poor misled and "singled out" Lackawanna Boys with the al-Qaeda ties, but a whole lot of other folks from their side as well, and get everybody on TV to watch their antics for weeks on end.
I'm sure there will be others of even more dubious antecedents than simple terrorists in the footlights, if past shenanigans have any bearing on these hearings. and I hope that an explanatory Playbill is provided for the spectators and the folks at home to keep the actors, their past performances and their roles straight.
In addition to the victimology of the malefactors, legal scholars of the caliber of Supreme Court wannabe, Larry Tribe, will be trundled in to give complicated and arcane reasoning on the many reasons why a sitting President is not allowed to protect american citizens from imminent death and destruction by the use of listening devices designed to monitor calls from maniacs in the US to known terror cells overseas.
Larry, that long winded liberal law professor from Harvard, recently made so little sense that arlen Spector had to interrupt him and ask what he was talking about during his aimless and inchoate meandering about Judge alito's qualifications. He'll buttress Bush as no other liberal lawyer can if he doesn't put the audience and the viewers at home into some sort of catatonia.
Magnificent witnesses on the need for FISa will be carried in by raffishly garbed coolies in sedan chairs, and given all the time necessary to explain that the courts must be included in any attempt to stop a terrorist act, regardless of its heinousness or imminence. They'll explain that when you've got Muhammed on the line, and he's explaining that he's in the Sear's Tower with a back pack full of Semtex, and that he's sporting a red fez with a blue tassle but he's forgotten on what floor he's to meet his contact on but goes on to explain what his contact's wearing, that you can't simply go there and put the cuffs on him and the kibosh on his attack. No! No! No!
You've got to type up a request for a warrant. Shoot a copy over to the judge. Wait in line. Plead for a bit of time in chambers. Swear that the information in the request is true and honest on its face. Get the signature. Then call over and check to see if the tower's still standing. If it is, take Muhammed down, after reading the bumptious and over zealous lad his rights. If poor undocumented Muhammed can't speak English, you've got to rustle up a translator in his native tongue. You know, the old time consuming, Democratic, protection of the terrorist way of doing business. With all this accomplished, you may then move on to his accomplice.
Oh, it'll be a show all right. With the Democrats acting just like Nero - fiddling while Rome burns.
But there is a concern about how all this finger pointing, endless scandal mongering and obvious appeasement will go down with the populace as election time approaches.
Instead of hearings, the Democratic committee members should be issued hearing aids. With these devices they may yet hear the voices of their countrymen, the cries of the wounded and the clarion words of the founding fathers to protect and defend the Constitution.
The Eagles may have appeared clumsy and amateurish on the gridiron but at least they were pursuing a football in a game with rules and time limits, where victory was clearly defined. The Democrats, on the other hand, have none of the former. They do, however, appear to possess a seemingly endless supply of roller skates.
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