The early morning crowd awaiting `Punxsutawney Phil' was enormous and said to be the largest turnout for the refulgent rodent yet seen. Thousands of the rollicking faithful, sporting magnificent headpieces and wearing a plethora of animal masks, with one seen sporting the rare razorback hat, stood in arctic temperatures for hours awaiting the magic moment when the rather porcine Phil, obviously well cared for by his top-hatted handlers and no longer forced to scavage on his own, would be placed on the ceremonial red baize mat, which partially covered the sacred wooden stump, and sagaciously alert the world to the exact number of remaining weeks of winter. This cabalistic event was carried live into millions of american homes courtesy of cable and satellite television, with lengthy coverage across much of Pennsylvania and the Northeast, including many Democratic strongholds.
I'm sure the Democratic leadership was watching this incredible spectacle and wondered what person and articles of faith would be capable of generating such an outpouring of spontaneous intoxication and enthusiasm so early on a chilly morning in the middle of nowhere. and they probably opined how all of this hubbub could be generated by a rodent and not by a sleek Eastern liberal or a long winded cacophonous diatribe delivered by a zaftig senator to a small man glued to a chair.
and as they watched, they most likely thought about the State of the Union address and how the major Democratic players looked on the tube and compared their televised hokey-pokey to the tidy behavior exhibited by the groundhog.
Hillary Clinton looked decidedly shrewish, what with the glum gum chewing and all. She's got to be able on occasion, no matter how slight the probability, to crack a smile at the smallest attempt at using the narrow array of positive humor which surrounds her and her husband.
Nope, there's no way that 10,000 raucous and rapturous people will show up at 6:00 am in the middle of nowhere at 25F and stand for hours, wearing all manner of custom costuming, to wait for her often late and petulant arrival.
John Kerry wandered about the chamber woodenly, and when not aping for the cameras, he proceeded to clap a number of the Joint Chiefs on the back, eliciting decidedly chilly smiles. Caught in the close-ups, he seemed to be either talking to himself or praying, though, as an avowed liberal, the latter can be discounted outright.
In review, it's doubtful that anyone, let alone thousands of raffishly attired backwoodsmen, would turn out to see the increasingly mawkish Massachusetts Senator, unless he appeared on time in similarly meretricious attire, offered the attendees free comestibles, including hot buttered rum and then performed for the crowd. Whether his stilted antics would propel him to a plane equal to Phil's level of excitement is doubtful.
a defensive and leering Harry Reid arrived unhappy, remained unhappy, and appeared unhappy even as his fellow party members strutted their finest stunts on the dour prospects for social security.
Naw, he's not going to draw folks to Penn's Woods at the crack of dawn in freezing weather for a hoe down, unless he shows up with a spectacular show of his own. But he's too much of a misanthrope to entertain such a clever idea.
How about the new man, Tim Kaine? He did his best to put a shine on that old worn Democratic sneaker with that new "We can do it better" theme, but that's awfully close to that James Bond song, "Nobody does it better" which sounds a bit, well, used, which it is, as are the other top Democratic lines.
But golly, the broken body armor record may not sell in the wilderness, especially in front of all the woodsmen.
and take poor Mary Landrieu. all over everything Republican the night of the speech, she gives every enemy a hug. But the next morning she rolls over on the President on television, where she demands 285 billion, or is it 900 billion, or it is the entire national treasury for Louisiana.
No, Mary won't do, because she tipped the Democrat's hand. She showed everybody their secret trick--yuck it up with the best of the Republicans one minute and claim they have a deal, then sell them out the very next on national TV. and who would they expect to show up to see her anywhere at Oh dark thirty at zero C?
Say, wait a minute. While the Democrats continue looking for someone to equal Phil's drawing power, there is another guy who gets the other part of the equation--faith. What's his name? ah, Mahmoud ahmadinejad.
With Christianity under attack and Judaism no longer politically correct, the Democrats need to find someone well within their accepted mainstream and approved by the aCLU, Moveon.org, CaIR, NaRaL, Cindy Sheehan and Hugo Chavez for approval.
The President of Iran is building a huge hotel, among other things, for the arrival of the 12th Imam--a huge flowery palace for folks to book in preparation for the storied Imam's landing. While the arrival is not date certain yet, it is apparent, due to current happenings in the world, what with the a-bomb all but in the garage and with the missiles on the production line, coupled with Mahmoud's promises to destroy Israel, that the long awaited Imam's definitely on the way and things have to be done in preparation for his arrival. It's an article of faith.
That's it! What the Democrats need is somebody with Punxsutawney Phil's drawing power and with Mahmoud's blind faith.
Who do they have that fit's the bill? and where do they put the new hotel for the faithful awaiting the perfect candidate's arrival?
These are the questions to be answered as they search high and low for their plan.
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