I guess I'm sort of glad that the mullahs from Iran have finally outed Tom and Jerry and the real meaning behind their intrepid hijinx, dialogue and Jerry's episodic escapes from Tom's sadistic clutches. For some period of time a lot of people had been somewhat suspicious of a common mouse who had continually gotten the better of a large, glib, boisterous and obviously erudite cat. But thanks to the heroic mullahs, who are operating with what appears to be a lot of time on their hands and with unparalleled access to the american cartoon industry - on a scale we never imagined possible - we now know that the diminutive Jerry represents a wily, Semitic mouse, with all the problematic and illusory dangers the righteous purveyors of current Iranian thought can attach to him. While Tom remains a simple, but touching, cat-- a pet like, oh, say Tehran's Hamas or Hezbollah.
and while the Qum based moolahs are putting the finishing touches on their final investigation of the Tom and Jerry puzzle, with a long pestilential screed on its solution due out any day now, it has been reported that a special commission is also investigating the full array of american cartoons for subliminal and satanic attachments.
In the dim, low light environment surrounding the vast round table, an assistant begins the long, sorry slide show--the actual featurettes are prohibited due their inflammatory and disturbing nature--of cartoon characters for examination and critique under the new and ever more stringent guidelines, as promulgated by the big man himself, the ayatollah Khameini.
First up for discussion today is Elmer Fudd, the noted apostate, obvious crusader and venomous demagogue. His visage, manner of speech, his dress and his disguised deviltry are quickly noted, as are his obvious attacks on Islam--all cleverly disguised by his halting diction and his lackadaisical and slap-happy demeanor. His hunting scenes, which feature a ridiculous chapeau and an equally absurd shotgun are further evidence of his evil chicanery and his disguised anarchism. The tally of his quotient of terror is hurriedly marked on the score sheets, which have been passed to each attending mullah, according to their seniority.
The vote is taken after a few minutes of discussion. Elmer Fudd is branded a tool of the Infidels and is to be attacked without mercy in the Islamic press, from the mosques and with all the organs of government.
Following Fudd, the countenance of that notorious barnyard fowl, Foghorn Leghorn, that premier rabble rouser, the outlandish tool of the Great Satan, that brazen puppet of President Bush and the direct mimic of the dreaded albert Gore is brought into focus on the massive screen. The chicken's flamboyant manner of speech, his boorish southern accent, his coercion of the other barnyard animals and his continued hoodwinking of the human element, mark him as one of the most dangerous of fellow travelers and a true instrument of the devil incarnate. His large feet and his enormous coxcomb further indicate his crass fictionality and show, for the world to see, the idiocy of the West, the depth of their transitory and poisonous values and the ease with which they will be destroyed.
The score sheets are quickly marked, further conversation concerning the madness of talking beasts and their creators is gaveled to a halt after the barest of moments in an attempt to contain the growing disputations and rising calls of abomination, and Leghorn is branded an idolator forever. His diabolic animations are to be burned at the proper moment of national acclaim and his criminal abodes are to be sacked by the masked armies of revenge.
a brief halt in the festivities is called in an effort to soothe the excited tempers of the attendees, while tea, cakes and sweet meats are served to the sweating delegates, in this most holy of rites. But after a few minutes it is announced that the investigation of the cartoons must continue. The unmasking of the Zionist Jerry has shown the way. The exposing of Satan's criminality must forge ahead, however distasteful and disturbing to the turbaned and robed participants in the rather warm and somewhat humid meeting room.
after the lights are again turned low, another mien appears on the screen-- first the ears, then the leering mug of that vicious, terrifying and fast talking rabbit--the unholiest of the unholy, the greatest purveyor of sin, the vilest teacher of pornography, Bugs Bunny. His easy speech, his twisting of the truth, his continual reference to the dreaded and fictional "Doc", his cabalistic contrivances and his smoking of what is claimed to be a cigar, mark this dastardly bunny as the lynchpin in america's attempt to undermine Islam, destroy the outlook of its children, twist the teachings of peace into war and offer "humor" to the people of Iran, who need no such additional wit, especially with the example of their own leadership and all.
No discussion is allowed, as the score cards are marked. It is by now quite clear that the talking cartoon animals, their frightening tactics, their league with the deviant forces of evil, their broad smiles illustrating their empty docility and ready embrace of evil, their propagandistic values for the Great Satan and their easy capacity for outwitting their masters, shows their total attachment to diabolism and their practice of witchcraft. Bugs Bunny's holes must be filled with concrete, his forests and meadows despoiled and his carrots poisoned by the iron will of the leaders and the people. His movies are to be erased forever from the earth and his memory must be expunged by fire and sword.
as the hour grows late and the list of remaining characters remains long, with Chilly Willy, Sylvester, Tweedie, Felix the Cat, Mickey and Minnie, Mighty Mouse, Pluto, Popeye and Bambi still to undergo the same intense scrutiny, the tired and cranky mullahs - assigned this onerous, but by now all too familiar, task, with its true and terrible nature only just revealed - call a halt to the day's proceedings and begin to wind their way back to the bright light, the airy reality and open society of modern day Tehran.
as they exit the meeting room they chat about the terror to be found in cartoons, their hidden meanings and how they alone are mastering the imperceivable malevolence turning up in the secret and unholy messages spouted by that brazen barnyard bane of Islam — Foghorn Leghorn.
and they're happy that they came for Jerry first.
Pursuant to Title 17 U.S.C. 107, other copyrighted work is provided for educational purposes, research, critical comment, or debate without profit or payment. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for your own purposes beyond the 'fair use' exception, you must obtain permission from the copyright owner. Views are those of authors and not necessarily those of Canada Free Press. Content is Copyright 1997-2024 the individual authors. Site Copyright 1997-2024 Canada Free Press.Com Privacy Statement