No, I'm not a physician, I'm just a retired cop working from the evidence at hand.
But I've gotta tell you, I'm pretty sure there's a bug in John Murtha's head.
at first I thought, like many others do, that Honest John Murtha has bats in his belfry. I mean he was pretty doggone mouthy, in his breathy soprano tremolo, to the FBI on the abscam tape back in the long ago where he promised to do a lot for them, thanks to his close personal links to the Tipster, Mr. Thomas P. O'Neill of Massachusetts, but was just cagey enough not to take the dive for the short money, but grovel instead to show and place.
But then you take stock of the long and short of Mr. Murtha's balding pate and you come to the conclusion that if it contains enough matter to control his basic non-stop life functions like breathing, jumping to conclusions, and telling gargantuan whoppers, there's just no room left over for a colony of bats, whether they're the small fly catching variety, the medium sized vampire lads or the giant fruit eating varieties — let alone the entire carillon.
and sure, I've seen Men in Black where the guy's head opens up and you see that little guy in the control room operating his body. But that's not what I'm talking about. No extraterrestrials in Honest John's cranium, not from Pennsylvania or M-31, they couldn't handle the inter-cranial pressure.
Though M. Night Shyamalan's movie ‘Signs' was a pretty good send up and all and took place in the heart of John's amish country and scared the heck out of me. But it would take Mr. Shyamalan quite awhile with a rather large budget to do Mr. Murtha the kind of justice Judge John routinely denies his beloved Marines.
No, I'm talking about the insect variety, the ones that bore a hole in your scalp and sort of live between your hair and your skull, making a mess of things, impacting your thoughts, while they live off your precious bodily fluids.
It all came into focus when I received an e-mail the other day from a friend in the medical field. It was rather graphic and showed someone suffering from this parasitic infestation. It went to describe the bizarre symptoms experienced by the victim, who needed prolonged hospitalization and counseling to fully recover.
Whoa, I said. This case closely matches the increasingly vulgar Honest John Murtha situation, from soup to nuts, especially concerning the latter.
The symptoms included an increasingly haughty sense of self, ever wilder and more insensate attributions, increased paranoia, a growing belief in one's personal invincibility, knee-jerk reflex of propelling the foot into one's oral cavity, the additory need for increasing personal publicity, total forgetfulness of one's own past indiscretions, the need to personally enrich one's relatives by steering contracts their way through the use of one's legislative committee, the immediate need to grossly inflate the smallest bit of information into vast universes of creation (after the patterns discussed by the noted physicists alan Guth and Willem de Sitter), the assumption of other characters, and, eventually, total institutional madness.
and I can see the growing panoply of illness on John's part.
Honest John Murtha explained to the FBI, who posed as sheiks in the absam roundup, that although he wasn't interested in taking the dough "at this point," he was up for further discussions. and there's Honest John, his brother Kit and the defense business angle of reflexive contracts.
Judge John Murtha has declared that the US Marines in Haditha are guilty of murder before the facts are in, the investigation is complete, killed the civilians "in cold blood," and complains that the chain of command has covered up the crime. It is said he carries judicial robes on every trip for immediate rulings on thorny issues.
Majority Leader John Murtha already began his campaign for the post when he was advised by Nancy Pelosi to back off until the elections might actually determine his ability to run. Badges have been printed, "I am your Leader."
General John Murtha, drawing on his vast logistical experience and a few phone calls to Wes Clark, told Tim Russert that troops relocated to Okinawa could be re-deployed "very quickly" to Iraq, despite being almost 5,000 miles away — a feat which might require as much a four months to accomplish. The House Sergeant at arms has refused Murtha's request to wear 4 stars on his collar when speechifying.
President John Murtha, showing how rapidly he is able to bump and run, explained how easily it is to withdraw when the going gets tough, drawing parallels with Beirut and Mogadishu. The future President failed to note that these activities formed the basis for al-Qaeda's bedrock belief that america always runs when similar going gets tough — the yellow brick road which President Murtha wholeheartedly endorses. Yes, President Bush has denied Murtha's request to have his photo taken while sitting at the President's desk, signing documents.
Nope, there's some sort of bug in John Murtha's head and it isn't pretty.
But I say leave it in.
We're better off with John Murtha, his many monikers, running around the way he is, barking at the moon, calling every soldier guilty, running for every office he can lay his hands on, making outlandish comments, looking more like Cindy Sheehan all the time, as John Fund wryly exclaims, while he promotes himself to chief of staff and looks over the prodigious shoulders of George Marshall.
I just want to be there when they come for him. You know, the guys in white with the whips, chairs and tranquilizer darts.
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